Over-talkers At The Movies: A Solution

26 Nov

Picture this: you’re in the movie theater. Some half-wit behind you will not shut up. And this is AFTER the previews; at least a third of the way through the film.

Blah, blah, blah. BLAHBLAHBLAH BLAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, ad infinitum. Charlie Brown’s teacher makes more sense.

I shush them. Continue reading

Peyton Manning Doesn’t Care About Tornadoes

24 Nov

There I was, in a small, remote office building writing code next to Peyton Manning. It was hard to concentrate, because the dude kept talking about chicken wings. Needing an energy reboot, I leaned back in my chair and stretched.

That’s when I saw it. The biggest funnel cloud I’ve ever seen, in person or in photos, in the horizon, just over the eldest Manning brother’s shoulder.

What’s weird is, I didn’t freak out. It was still in the distance a ways. But I did freak out when a thinner tornado touched down in the field adjacent to my office. I jumped up and yelled, “DUDE! WATCH OUT! THAT TORNADO IS COMING THIS WAY!”

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Bat’s In The Cradle

8 Nov

A searing right cross exploded into the young punk’s left orbital cavity, spraying punk parts liberally across the alley wall.

“Pleeth, man, pleeth,” the punk said through occasional teeth, right eye pleading, knees failing.

A jackhammer blow to the throat later, he collapsed. Done.

The shadowy punch thrower tapped the side of his cowl and a dial tone rang out, followed by a speed dial.

Continue reading